The Winner is Dublin, Ireland!

Congratulations, Dublin (or Baile Átha Cliath).

Dublin's motto can be adapted to libraries as, Obedientia Civium Bibliothecae Felicitas, or, "Happy the library where citizens obey."

I'm glad Dublin won, as I am part Irish on my father's side. Now I'm going to listen to "The Rocky Road to Dublin" by the Dubliners. Even though it's in black/white and looks like a crappy taped copy, I like this version.. not so much the Oompa-Loompa looking guy at the 2:12 mark, but still:

How a San Francisco parking meter can benefit libraries

The [new parking] system will use electronic sensors to measure real-time demand for parking spaces, and adjust prices accordingly. When there are lots of empty spaces, it will be cheap to park. When spaces are hard to find, rates will be higher.

The range in prices will be huge: from 25 cents an hour to a maximum of $6 an hour...

So how can this idea work for libraries? It can work by adjusting borrowing periods and fines based on demand.

Say, I want the DVD for Diary of a Wimpy Kid, which will be popular and have a long reserve list; with a system like this, I could "bid" for a higher position on the wait list by choosing to borrow the movie for just 1 day.

Which means that I need to be ready to pick up the DVD the day I get notified and bring it back the next day. And if not, my fine might be 24X the normal fine (to use the above parking meter math).

I could also just put my name in for the regular borrowing period and wait the 3-6-12 weeks it might normally take to get a popular item.

In the original story, the supply and demand pricing is the only option. In my version, it's voluntary.

But I think this is a cool idea. If you can afford better service, you pay for it.

I want to see two lines at every desk in the library. If you want the librarian first, put your money where your mouth is and pay for my time. If you're not in a rush, then wait patiently until I finish milking this rich idiot for all he's worth. But since he can't figure out how to save to his flash drive, this could take a while: cha ching!

added note on how this is supposed to work:

PATRON A wants a popular item for a shorter loan period, so instead of going at the bottom of the list, she goes to the top:

present system	*	new "bid" system
NAME	*	NAME / loan period
Patron x	*	Patron A / 1 day
Patron x	*	Patron x / normal
Patron A	*	Patron x / normal

Now, Patron A needs to comply with new requirements and get to the library that day, in fact, we would need to split the day into 2 halves, MORNING and EVENING, to make these high demand items move faster. So patrons who wish to participate would need the ability to receive text messages and the library would need the ability to send them.

In this scenario, the daily FINE would increase to $2.40 a day at our library. If your library charges $1.00 a day for DVDs fines, then you might only be able to increase your find to $5 or $6 per day.

But I could see this working. A library could either keep a few items separate for these 1-day borrowers or if your software allowed for it, keep everyone in the same queue and let the system keep track of each borrower. But patrons would need the ability to choose whether they want the "express" (1 day) borrowing or the regular borrowing. And I would expect that a library who uses this would never have an "amnesty day" for forgiving fines. You could also let the patron keep the item once a $30 maximum was reached for that item... anyway...

Yes, it's complicated, but I could see it work if you wanted to do it.

WWLR (What Would Lindsay Read).

Here are a former prison librarian's suggestions for what Lindsay Lohan should read while she serves her sentence.

Lindsay Lohan is supposed to do some jail time. But with celebrities, jail "time" is relative to their money and fame and gender and race. So do the math, and Lindsay will get very little "jail" with her time. She'll do about 14 of her 90 days and be away from the general population, so any "Caged Heat" fantasies I imagine are purely my own invention, as usual.

Hmmmm....

[begin fantasy]

Lindsay Lohan sits cross-legged on her D. Porthault voile linen sheets she had smuggled into jail when she requested the kosher meal. A single strap of her Guia La Bruna silk chemise dangles from her creamy shoulder and rests just above her perfect breast as she reads aloud from Don Juan in the Village to her secret fellow inmates she cannot see beyond the walls that guarantee her solitude.

But moments later, after Lindsay runs into a word she doesn't understand, she stops reading, and an autographed photo from Mean Girls and a pack of Marlboro 100's work to bribe the guard to unlock her cage and set her free. Silently, catlike, she steps out to meet the other prison girls. One is from Trinidad and Lindsay loves her accent. One is Japanese and Lindsay loves her silky black hair. And one is kinda dim and says her favorite movie is Herbie Fully Loaded, but Lindsay says it's her favorite, too. And later, they vajazzle each other.

[end fantasy]

So yeah, I don't give a crap what Lindsay reads during her 14-day, taxpayer funded vacation. Because with her fame and money, she's still going to be living better than me.

Oh crap, my generic, no-name brand Spaghetti-O-like pasta product is burning on the fire I made from discarded library romance paperbacks to cook my food. Again!

did I mention, EFFING UNNECESSARY?

the.effing.librarian has published a FOURTH book.

Holy crap.

Here it is. An effing intimate, effing special, effing unique, effing personal and effing affordable collection.

And it can be all yours for $8.99.

$8.99.

I will be truly offended if you don't buy...mmm... five copies.

Perfunctorily, Me, by the.effing.librarian.
ISBN 978-1453698143

I wouldn't have mentioned it, but it just popped up on Amazon. Did I say it's only $8.99? It's sort of a greatest hits collection.

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 4

I gots nuthin. And I don't have any plans to write anything anytime soon. So here is a link to 85 Reasons to be Thankful for Librarians.

And Ian Dury and the Blockheads performed "Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 3" in case you are so unhip you didn't know.